by tcoates | Aug 21, 2018 | Podcasts
What happens when two spouses that are joint owners of a home get divorced? One spouse may want to remain in the home while the other spouse is planning on moving out. What if there is a sizeable mortgage that the remaining spouse may or may not be able to afford? Is there a way to lower the existing mortgage, so that the remaining spouse is able to realistically afford it?
What if the remaining spouse hasn’t been in the workforce for a while or has been working part-time? What if the only income they are planning on receiving is alimony? Will the spouse who leaves be able to remove his or her name from the title and mortgage? These are some of the many questions that come up with home ownership and divorce.
Joining me today to tackle these questions is Margie Hofberg. Margie has over 30 years of experience in the mortgage industry and is the owner of Residential Mortgage Center Inc. She is a mortgage expert and shares a wealth of wisdom and practical advice on mortgage issues that are unique to separating couples.
You can find Margie here:
Residential Mortgage Center Inc
[email protected]
Show Notes:
[02:08] We are in person for this podcast.
[02:39] Margie is a mortgage lender who started her company in 1984. She is experienced.
[02:55] She has seen the industry change dramatically and go up and down.
[03:05] About 15 years ago, she started working more and more with families going through separation and divorce.
[03:20] She felt that she could really help people not only with her mortgage knowledge, but also with her softer skills.
[03:38] About 60% of the new loans she quotes are for divorcing couples.
[03:51] Her company is licensed in the DC Metro area.
[04:03] What couples are facing when going through divorce and one party wants to stay in the home.
[04:30] When one couple wants to stay in the home Margie helps them with an equity buyout.
[04:58] An equity buyout is a refinance as one owner of a house. A refinance is easier than a purchase. You have to have equity and cannot be underwater.
[05:42] Question one is what do you think the value of the house is? Then find the balance of the mortgage and make some assumptions.
[06:10] It’s the value of the house minus the existing mortgage divided by two. This would equal the equity buyout.
[06:47] Let’s say it’s a $400,000 house and there is a $200,000 mortgage and $200,000 of equity. To buy the other person’s share of equity it would be $100,000.
[07:22] What you would do is get a new mortgage to pay off the old mortgage plus the $100,000 in equity and closing costs. So the new loan would be $305,000.
[08:21] Find the least expensive and most reliable source to determine value. Often times, a realtor in the neighborhood will know or do a certified market analysis or CMA.
[09:46] The next step would be to determine a payment. Then you need to see if you can afford the payment. How much income do you need to qualify for that loan.
[10:35] Factors to qualify for a loan.
[10:49] The first hurdle is your debt to income ratio. Your gross monthly income compared to monthly housing expense which includes mortgage payment, credit card minimums, car loans, and student loans.
[11:56] Support can be qualifying income for a mortgage.
[12:32] You will need a signed agreement. A six month history of receiving it. It needs to come from an account with just your name from an account with just the ex spouse’s name.
[14:35] You can build the six month history before signing the agreement.
[16:08] The approval can expire. The credit report and appraisal is for 120 days.
[17:45] Use the same appraisal for the refinance and the equity agreement.
[19:12] Margie could work with both people, but would be very careful about that.
[21:05] There are fees associated with loans. It is not cost effective for small loans.
[22:08] The support also has to continue for at least 3 years after the application.
[24:20] The 3-2-1 alimony allocation. You can adjust the amounts to make sure you qualify.
[25:14] Things to qualify alimony payments include a signed agreement, 6 month payment history, and 3 years of support being paid.
[25:33] The payments have to be monthly. Child support because it is not taxed is grossed up by 125%.
[29:01] If an agreement looks like an agreement and deals with the important things being discussed, it would probably get approved.
[30:12] In the collaborative process, each couple has their own attorney and they sign an agreement and decide not to go to court.
[30:37] Margie has a lot more involvement in a collaborative place. The team contacts her throughout the process.
[32:14] Can the person refinancing take out additional money for repairs. An equity buyout is only paying off the existing mortgage, paying the other spouse equity, and closing costs. This is a no cash out refinance and has better terms. You can also go on a higher loan-to-value.
[33:49] With a lot of equity there can be a cash out refinance.
[34:20] Loan-to-value is the value of the property based on the appraisal compared to the loan amount.
[37:46] Separation agreements are recorded in other parts of the country. If your lender requires this, they are not from the DC Metro area.
[39:05] It’s important to work with a mortgage lender who has a lot of experience working with separation and divorce. It’s also important understand the laws in your jurisdiction.
[39:47] A separation agreement is a signed document. An amended agreement could hurt the process.
[42:20] Take advantage of finding a quality mortgage lender and using them, because there are no fees.
[44:13] Mortgage brokers are paid by the lenders.
Do you have any topics that you would like me to cover in future shows? Let me know in the comments below. Don’t forget to subscribe to the show, and if you are enjoying what you hear please leave a review on iTunes.
Links and Resources:
Residential Mortgage Center Inc
[email protected]
by tcoates | Jul 31, 2018 | Podcasts
Melissa Kucinski is a family law attorney and mediator practicing in the DC and Maryland area. She has created a unique niche in the family law area and brings a wealth of knowledge and experience in international family law. She has served as a consultant to the Hague Conference on Private International Law and has written a dozen articles on international children’s issues and mediation of complex cross-border custody and abduction cases.
There is no one better than Melissa to share the ins and outs of the Hague Treaty. Melissa has also presented at nearly 30 national and international conferences on international children’s issues. She is a Fellow of the International Academy of Lawyers. She is also a professor at the George Washington University School of Law where she has been teaching international family law since 2010. She is the author of A Practical Handbook for the Child’s Attorney: Effectively Representing Children in Custody Cases. It’s an honor to have her on the show today.
You can find Melissa here:
MK Family Law
Melissa Kucinski on LinkedIn
MK Family Law on Facebook
@mkucinski on Twitter
A Practical Handbook for the Child’s Attorney: Effectively Representing Children in Custody Cases
Show Notes:
[03:01] Melissa has been through the divorce process herself. It was in a state where she was not licensed to practice law. Each state has slightly different laws.
[03:37] Going through her own divorce gave Melissa a different perspective.
[05:59] Melissa practices all family law in Washington DC and Maryland, but she has a particular interest in focusing on families who have cross jurisdictional or international issues.
[06:31] She has had an interest in working with diverse people with diverse ways of life, ever since college.
[07:13] It’s very complex dealing with laws in multiple jurisdictions. She is practicing true law.
[08:10] Melissa was fortunate to connect with family law at an early stage in her education. Working with international families was a wonderful experience.
[11:06] Families going through restructuring who have international connections need to talk to a lawyer who understands these complex issues.
[12:15] The process for dealing with international issues. There needs to be a collaboration of lawyers in all of the different jurisdictions.
[16:26] How are orders enforced either overseas or in the US? It depends on the issue and the country of enforcement.
[18:48] Dealing with property issues in different jurisdictions. A complicating factor of overseas assets is that the laws in other countries are very different.
[23:53] Child abduction and parents taking their children overseas. Children are often taken by people they know like a parent or family member.
[24:24] There is always the question of whether another country will honor an order given in the United States.
[25:11] There are some laws in the United States that make taking a child overseas a crime. The criminal path is the worst-case scenario.
[26:18] There are civil remedies. One of these is the Hague conference on child abduction. The goal is a quick expedited proceeding.
[28:16] Why wouldn’t all countries want to be part of the Hague convention? Some domestic legal systems don’t support the way the treaty is drafted, but many countries have ratified the treaty.
[32:38] Returning a child does not create a custody status.
[34:18] The child has to be found before starting one of these custody processes.
[35:48] The best way to prevent a potential abduction in the United States is to have a court order in place.
[36:12] Uniform Child Abduction Prevention Act is a resource that lists risks factors and what can be in a court order to prevent an abduction.
[37:56] Having a court order is the absolute key, because in the United States there are no exit controls.
[38:38] To get a court order you have to demonstrate to a judge that the other parent is a risk.
Do you have any topics that you would like me to cover in future shows? Let me know in the comments below. Don’t forget to subscribe to the show, and if you are enjoying what you hear please leave a review on iTunes.
Links and Resources:
MK Family Law
Melissa Kucinski on LinkedIn
MK Family Law on Facebook
@mkucinski on Twitter
Hague Conference on Private International Law
US Department of State
National Center for Missing & Exploited Children
Uniform Child Abduction Prevention Act
by tcoates | Jul 17, 2018 | collaborative law, divorcce, parent coordinator, parent educator, Podcasts |
Many of you associate the divorce process with litigation. When I talk about litigation, I mean appearing before and presenting evidence to the judge to advance your position before the judge makes a decision on the outcome. There are also alternatives to litigation like collaborative law.
Today, I am joined by attorney and mediator Sheila Gardner the founder of Cooperative Strategies Family Law. Sheila joins us to discuss the ins and outs of collaborative law and what it means, how the process works, and who the various players are who make up the collaborative team.
As a trained collaborative attorney, Sheila is able to guide her clients to a mutually acceptable resolution in which both parties feel that their highest priorities have been addressed. She draws from a wealth of knowledge and experience as a practicing attorney. She also draws from her own personal experiences as a parent and a child who experienced divorce at a young age.
You can find Sheila here:
Cooperative Strategies Family Law
Show Notes:
[02:47] Sheila grew up in Milwaukee. In 1975, her parents got divorced. Her family was the first family that she knew of that was going through a divorce.
[03:40] Sheila remembers being six years old and watching cartoons while her father was loading things up in his truck.
[04:11] It was a shock when their mother told them that their dad was leaving.
[05:10] Her parents had the foresight to keep them together as a family even though their parents were not a couple anymore.
[07:17] As an attorney and parent, Sheila realized that she had a skill set that can help others in a way that will protect their children. She has lived it.
[08:53] About four years ago, Sheila realized that she was made for this work.
[10:29] Sheila realized that helping people with co-parenting was one of her callings. She’s found a place to connect her love of supporting parents with law.
[11:14] The idea of family law and litigation and going to trial didn’t sit well with her until she learned about collaborative practice.
[12:07] Collaborative law is an out-of-court dispute resolution process. This means you decide to settle your differences out-of-court.
[12:49] With collaborative law you have full support of a team which includes lawyers, mental health specialists, and even a financial specialist. Everyone is committed to helping the couple find their own solutions.
[17:36] Even though there are more people on the team, things can move more quickly with the collaborative law process. It also affords an opportunity to find resolutions for all of the issues and not have to return to court.
[19:40] How the teams for collaborative law are chosen.
[23:25] There is extensive training for collaborative law and certain standards that need to be maintained.
[24:40] Sheila truly loves people and wants to help them do law and approach conflict in a collaborative way.
[27:12] How collaborative law works for high conflict couples. Having the support of the mental health specialist is very important. Everyone on the team has been trained with conflict resolution strategies.
[34:46] Having a mental support of the child health specialist is invaluable for these children.
[35:09] Sheila also offers co-parenting support services.
[36:53] One of the first things that needs to happen is the creation of the co-parenting plan. This includes schedules, access, and living arrangements.
[37:36] Raising future adult starts with being goal centered.
[43:14] It’s not about the parents. It’s about the child getting to spend the time they need with their parents.
[44:17] What is the process for parent coordination like? Typically a parent coordinator is a mental health specialist. It can also be an attorney who is trained in parent coordination.
[45:09] In some jurisdictions, parent coordinators are appointed by judges.
[46:04] Parents should keep in mind that even though they are no longer a couple, they are still their child’s family.
[47:03] Security and consistency are the most important. Communication is the key to making this happen.
[49:28] Healthy co-parenting sends a message to the children on how to communicate with the world.
[49:50] Make sure to make transitions easy for the kids. Transitions from school can be a good solution.
Do you have any topics that you would like me to cover in future shows? Let me know in the comments below. Don’t forget to subscribe to the show, and if you are enjoying what you hear please leave a review on iTunes.
Links and Resources:
Cooperative Strategies Family Law
International Academy of Collaborative Law
2houses
by tcoates | Jul 17, 2018 | collaborative law, divorcce, divorce coach, parent coordinator, Podcasts
Cherie Morris is a divorce coach, parent coordinator, an author, and a mother. While going through her own divorce, Cherie recognized a need for an organized framework and a path to communication. Transitioning through divorce can be an emotionally charged time and having tools and professionals in place to assist along the way is essential.
Now Cherie uses her expertise and personal experience to help others go through the divorce process and to transition and coparent in a way that is best for the children. In this episode, Cherie shares what it is to be a divorce coach and a parent coordinator. She shares some of the problems that arise with communication and expectations. Along with, how to find the support you need to frame the process in way that respects a family even after divorce.
You can find Cherie here:
Dear Divorce Coach
Dear Divorce Coach on Facebook
@DearDivorceTeam on Twitter
Dear Divorce Coach on Pinterest
Dear Divorce Coach on Instagram
Cherie Morris on LinkedIn
Show Notes:
[02:13] Cherie went through her divorce after being in a long-term marriage and having children.
[02:24] She had experienced divorce through her parents and friends, but what was different was that her spouse was very unprepared for coparenting and making decisions that were good for the family.
[02:55] Even after a divorce if you have children, you are still a family in many ways.
[03:11] Cherie had a top-notch lawyer and a good therapist. She was also a lawyer. Still, she felt that an objective thinking partner was missing from the process.
[03:52] She needed someone to help steer her clear from the pitfalls when emotions are high and logic is not always at the forefront.
[04:01] After her divorce, she discovered that this training was available.
[04:05] Cherie was ending her legal practice and saw this as an opportunity to pursue her passion and help others going forward with their divorces.
[04:17] This led to Cherie’s current career as a divorce coach and parent coordinator.
[04:51] Things that people should be thinking about when going through the divorce process.
[05:26] First off, you should always ask, can this marriage be saved? Have you done the work to repair the marriage if possible?
[05:54] Have you contemplated how things will look financially after the divorce?
[06:39] Always looked as closely as you can so that there are no unexpected surprises
[06:46] Ask what type of co-parent you expect your spouse to be.
[07:58] What is a divorce coach?
[08:28] The divorce coach holds your hand every step of the journey from the contemplation stage to the possible post-divorce complications.
[09:54] You will also need an attorney and possibly a therapist for emotional support.
[10:23] A certified divorce financial analyst is also very helpful.
[10:46] The divorce coach also provides help on the parenting front and making decisions with the co-parent.
[11:23] A divorce coach provides support and helps find professionals to meet whatever needs the divorcing couple is going through.
[12:35] A divorce coach also helps you frame your values.
[13:50] A divorce coach helps you decide what you want based on your values and helps you stay organized in the process.
[15:23] Coaches keep things private but not secret.
[16:23] If there’s no direct communication sometimes everything is misunderstood.
[18:14] Once the divorce is final, there is still more that needs to be done. Cherie helps with the life transition.
[20:21] Hiring a coach is less expensive than an attorney and clients can turn to the coach with non legal issues also helping to contain the cost of the divorce.
[20:42] This also allows the attorney to focus on the divorce and not the noise.
[24:33] Having someone who has done analytical work makes a great divorce coach. Therapists also make good divorce coaches.
[26:29] Parent coordination services consist of helping a parent or a couple resolve parenting disputes.
[27:04] She may help with framing emails or help with a couples communication.
[28:13] How a parenting plan is sometimes an overlooked part of divorce. This outlines a custody schedule with specific plans.
[31:40] The process for hiring a parent coordinator.
[34:25] Examples of parent coordination.
[34:40] The most common complaint from divorced parents is that they either can’t get a response or the response they get is rude.
[35:02] You have to understand that you can’t control another person.
[35:06] Then draft emails that indicate a deadline.
[35:32] View the communications through a different lens more like a business relationship.
[37:19] How people need to be heard and need to feel like someone is listening to them.
[38:18] Cherie has two different contracts binding and nonbinding.
[39:39] The cost of a parent coordinator is actually a little bit more than you would pay an attorney.
[40:48] Whether you are contemplating a divorce or beginning the process, Cherie’s new book is very helpful SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?: Tools To Help You Make Practical and Emotional Decisions When Thinking About Separation and Divorce.
[43:22] Cherie has clients all over the country and can serve people remotely. She offers free consultations and has tons of resources on her website.
Do you have any topics that you would like me to cover in future shows? Let me know in the comments below. Don’t forget to subscribe to the show, and if you are enjoying what you hear please leave a review on iTunes.
Links and Resources:
SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?: Tools To Help You Make Practical and Emotional Decisions When Thinking About Separation and Divorce
Dear Divorce Coach
Dear Divorce Coach on Facebook
@DearDivorceTeam on Twitter
Dear Divorce Coach on Pinterest
Dear Divorce Coach on Instagram
Cherie Morris on LinkedIn
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by tcoates | Jul 16, 2018 | divorcce, Podcasts, pre-divorce checklist
Welcome to The Divorce Chronicles a forum for practical and insightful information for everyone at every stage of the divorce process. I’m your host Tracey Coates. In this first episode, I would like to introduce myself and share my goals and intentions for this podcast.
I have been a practicing family law attorney for 15 years in the Maryland and DC area. Over the years, people contemplating divorce have often asked me where they should start. Divorce is an emotional roller coaster and adding in complex legal issues makes it even more challenging. My goal with this show is to share straightforward simple explanations without all of the legalese.
Show Notes:
[32] I’ve been practicing as a family law attorney for 15 years in the Maryland and DC area.
[42] Over the years, people contemplating divorce have asked me where should they start. This podcast is a passion project culminating my years of experience.
[01:10] Divorce is an emotional roller coaster, adding in the sometimes confusing and complex legal process makes it even worse.
[01:47] I am going to provide simple straightforward information about the divorce process to you the listener.
[02:04] I’m going to provide the forum for everyone to be an active and engaged participant in their own divorce proceedings.
[02:15] I’ll provide you with legal information, professionals that you may encounter along the journey, and we’ll explore a variety of issues including custody, alimony, and financial issues that may come up.
[02:30] We’ll also talk about international law and the impact the divorce may have on your real property.
[02:55] The podcast will mostly be presented in an interview format. It’s important to me that people going through divorce are exposed to a wealth of information.
[03:05] We are not a platform offering legal advice in any way shape or form. We are also not a substitute for seeking advice of a professional attorney in your area who knows and understands your specific situation.
[03:21] Welcome! I am so excited to share a wealth of information offered in my upcoming episodes.
[03:31] My pre-divorce checklist.
[03:45] This checklist is a good starting point to think about areas in your life that will assist you down the road in your divorce process.
Do you have any topics that you would like me to cover in future shows? Let me know in the comments below. Don’t forget to subscribe to the show, and if you are enjoying what you hear please leave a review on iTunes.
Links and Resources:
Download the Pre-Divorce Checklist
